Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
