Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
