Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
