I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
