i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
