You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
