Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
