I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The air was thick with penises
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
