my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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