My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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