Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
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