I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
