Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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