there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
