i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
