Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
