her vagine was all disorganized.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
