a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
