i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
