I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
