it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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