i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
