I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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