Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
