no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
How does one acquire holy water?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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