P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
