I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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