So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the day after is always just damage control
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
