he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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