I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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