she kept yelling 'call me bella'
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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