he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
