4 words: hood of his car
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
