I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
