Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I don't deserve a penis
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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