I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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