So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
