I have demons in me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
