even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
