i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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