I hope mine doesn't look like that
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
