I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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