the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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