I think I am morally bankrupt
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
