Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
