There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
