she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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