I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just invented taco cereal.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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