Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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