Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
