I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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